God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
