I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
