i permit you to call me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
