theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
