we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
