she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
