I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
