Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
