She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
