I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
