This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
