so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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