i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
