D3 body, D1 cock
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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