Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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