So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
