could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
