Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he fucked my hip out of place.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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