it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
