i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
