I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
