i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
