My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
