So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
