I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
