If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
