update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
