i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
