I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
