dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
