My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
