she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
