you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
