Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
