also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
