I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
