We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
