The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
