I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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