Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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