I am midnight drunk by noon
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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