why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We need to get me chipped asap
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
