if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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