At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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