do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
