I accidentally had phone sex last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
