pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I love you. Go after that dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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