there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
