Need sex. Gaining weight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
