I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize