I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
