I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
