I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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