i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
