I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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