giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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