uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
