glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my poor anus
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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