i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
