dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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