I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
