Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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