I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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