Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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