Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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