Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
