we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
