In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
