then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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