we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
