Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
