I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
