Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
