Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
