First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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