Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
