I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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