What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
