I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
