Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
