she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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