he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
