and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
