you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
